90 Day Bible Challenge - Confessions of a control freak

Good morning dear friends,

I like to think I'm in charge of things around my house. (ha!) I like thinking I have it all together, but then I fall on my rear and realize that's just not the case. This past week I have been having terribly vivid, awful dreams. I could only think it's due to stress in my life. You see, in addition to several life decisions being made right now, my son is going away for two weeks tomorrow, and this is not something that I am ok with. This is the second time this summer he will be away from us for such a long period, and I worry and become anxious and stress out like the end of the world is coming. I know he will be fine, I know he will enjoy his time away, and I know he will be safe. But the thing is, I'm a control freak, and this is a situation I cannot control.

I love my son - as if he was my own biological blood. The things that anger me most in life are anything regarding his safety or mental well being - if either of those are in jeopardy my head explodes and I go into mamma lion mode where I'll kill anything that comes in between me and my cub. I think these are healthy emotions to an extent, what mother doesn't want the best for her children? To love them, protect them, and raise them in a happy and safe environment? For me there is an issue though, and that is that I am not his biological mother and occasionally there are things beyond my control in regards to his life. There are times where I have to let him be away from me whether I like it or not and I have to let him fly across the country and be away from me for weeks at a time. I don't like it at all, but I have to do it.

Like any control freak, this is hard. I have being praying about it and giving it to the Lord, knowing that He is in the ultimate control and He can keep my son safe while he is out of my sights. I have a Bible app on my phone, and when I'm struggling often the verse of the day is exactly what I don't want to, yet need to hear. God's funny like that isn't he? Especially when you are working through anger and bitterness and up pops Luke 6:27-28 " But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." GRRRRRR - worst verse in the whole Bible. Seriously, who wants to pray for those horrible people? But ok Lord, ok.

Today, my Bible app verse is Psalm 139:23-24 "Search me O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me. And lead me in the everlasting way." How DOES He do that? It's like He speaks to the bible app people and says "Kylene needs this verse today....this shall be your verse of the day" ha!

Searching for peace about the situation, I went to www.biblegateway.com this morning, and noticed their reading plans. Reading the Bible in a year just seems like a goal I wouldn't stick to, to be quite honest, but I saw they had an option to reading the Bible in 90 days. That's more like it! So I'm letting you know this because I'm committing to reading it the next 90 days ( or at least most of them) :) If you are interested in joining me, just click this link. If you miss a day, you can click on the calendar and catch up.

Don't worry, I won't post my revelations every day for you, but maybe just some highlights when God speaks to my angry/anxious heart. I have a feeling that He will be working hard the next to weeks to soften it and relax it. Just this morning reading through some chapters in Jeremiah gave me more peace in my heart than when I woke up. So I am planning on sticking to this. I know it's a beneficial habit for me to get in anyway, and I am thankful for the ability to do it.

For those of you who have the ultimate say in your children lives, don't take it for granted. Wake up every morning and hug them and love them and let them know that you are always there no matter what. And when they get on your nerves - just remember, you are lucky to have them in the same room. :)