Isn't that the truth? So many choices - so many responsibilities - so many life decisions and it's all up to me now? Whaaaaaaat. When did this happen? I have my bachelors degree, got married, divorced, am finishing up my 20's, married again, and have been raising a kid for 3+ years now. You'd think I would be comfortable #adulting by now. I'm totally not.
As soon as I think things are under control something in my life drastically changes and let's me know - no Kylene you are totally 100% NOT in control. Of anything. Let me give you a few examples:
Everything is hunky dory over the summer and then I decide to change a supplement regimen I'm on. I drop it cold turkey, up my workout program and everything is grand for a week. That is, until I completely have a meltdown. And I mean embarrassing, no sleep, crying every day, scared of the world, crippling, one step away from being committed meltdown. That's no fun and has been an ordeal of healing for several months.
Keegan and I have a rocky relationship. One day it's up and we are vacationing together in Hershey PA and having the time of our lives and the next my husband calls us Israel and Palestine. I try to remember that push back is normal and that since he calls me Mom, lives with me every day and is about to enter his teenage years the new found bursts of crying, yelling at me, telling me I'm mean and that I make his life miserable are normal.....but it still stinks. I often feel like a fish out of water and like I'm doing everything completely wrong.
School - future- career OH MY!!!!! This has been heavy on my mind and heart recently. The first semester of my masters was fine.While I went into it halfheartedly I had mostly daytime classes, the schedule was workable and I got all A's. Then I got my schedule for the second semester and realized it's essentially all evening classes. And to keep my scholarship I can't skip a class this time.... SO I've been really thinking it through - do what I would normally do and take the "responsible", fallback plan of getting my masters while it is free so I have the potential to teach and have some sort of music job if ever wanted or needed in the future (while sacrificing family time); or do something completely out of my comfort zone, drop everything, change my career trajectory and go for my fitness trainer certification and pursue health and fitness coaching???
So. Many. Choices. Despite all of these things, I know that whatever I choose and whatever course I take that God has a plan for me. I have been praying for clarity, and letting God know I want to submit to Him. Unfortunately, He never just pops up in a cloud and tells you the answer. So it's still hard.
Having a kind, supporting, and encouraging husband as well as my faith that God has a plan for my life keeps me going! I know if I keep plugging along and do so with a positive attitude then He can use me - I'm just not sure how yet!
One of the things I'm really excited about through all of this is coaching through beachbody. It has really helped me be more consistent in my fitness life and provides a lot of encouragement and support through the challenge groups I'm in and run. I am happy to be finishing out 2015 and soon be going into my 30th year healthier and stronger than ever! This is something that will definitely continue as I search for answers in the other parts of my life!
So here is to letting go of MY control, giving God the control, and looking forward to an even better 2016!!!!